I struggle all the time trying to be a devotee, and trying to please Srila Prabhupada.
The reason I struggle so much is because of mainly one thing:
I have NO Humility.
I think I am special, I think Krishna needs me, I think I please Srila Prabhupada by my life and the things I endeavor to do.
Of course, we are all special in that Krishna is so merciful that He has made arrangements for us to find our way out of our selfish existence and come back to Him.
Of course I have been given the chance to please Srila Prabhupada because he is a pure devotee and therefore has such compassion for fallen souls who are struggling, as I am. So, he has given me the chance to please him. Ways to please him.
The thing that's missing is myself. Even though Krishna gives me all this love, and help, and Srila Prabhupada gives me all this love, and help, I still don't surrender my false ego.
I still feel proud of myself for doing the most basic things that Srila Prabhupada requested of me. I still think I have pleased Srila Prabhupada.
The truth is, that if I have pleased him in any way at all, it is only because of his incredible compassion that he is so easily pleased and expects so very little. He gives everything I offer him, my efforts, my chanting, my service, everything, to Krishna for me, and asks Krishna:
'Please Krishna, she does not know how fallen she is, but she is my child, and she is trying to please me, so on my behalf, please accept her offerings.'
Krishna is always ready to reciprocate with the desires of His pure devotees. So, because of the causeless mercy of Srila Prabhupada, he finds a way to make some kind of useful thing to give to Krishna out of my useless efforts.
Without Srila Prabhupada,
I would be
without anything
and
everything.
I would
remain
nothing,
and
no where
near
Krishna.
All Glories To Srila Prabhupada.
~
