I've been really disturbed lately by all the "grey areas" that I see in the movement these days.
Therefore, I've been working really hard on clearing out grey areas from my life and my consciousness.
The problem I'm having is that grey areas are so insidious. Just when I think I've removed them all, I find more to remove. I guess they are like Maya is, insidious and ever-more sublte. In fact, I think it would be quite realistic to say that grey areas Are Maya.
It's exhausting work, and the conclusion I've come to is that I can't clear them all out. It's just not possible.
If I were to clear out every single grey area, it would really pretty much amount to be being a pure devotee.
I'm not. Not even close.
I guess being perfect, or perfectly pure, is something that's going to take time.
How much can I do at this moment? How much can I do today? How much can I do tomorrow?
Those are the kinds of questions I'm asking myself, the things I'm searching.
I'm also asking "how much is enough for now" because I really don't know. Perfection is unrealistic, and fanaticism doesn't work in the long run.
It's very humbling always to realize how many ways, in how many things, I fall short of the incredibly strict standards that Srila Prabhupad gave all of us.
It seems now days that things like "attend morning and evening programs at the temple" are considered "optional". Meaning, if you can, that's great, but if you can't that's fine too.
Maybe that's okay for others, or okay for some, but I know what the standard is that was set by Srila Prabhupad. Since I'm his disciple, then that is the standard I have to measure myself by, not by what anyone else is using for their standard.
I think since my home is my temple, then it would be fine to have a morning program and evening program at home. (a complete program the way he prescribed it I mean) How in the world would I do that and also do the other things I have to do? It seems completely impossible.
I guess, like I said before in my blog about "The Essentials", if you know it's essential, really know it's essential, then you find a way to do it.
I don't know what's essential anymore.
It's not only new devotees who have become confused and lost because of all the grey areas that exist now, it's the older devotees too.
At least this one.
