Some devotees are so gentle. This to me is one of the most attractive qualities. That, and kindness. These are true Vaisnava qualities.
I got the nicest letter from such a gentle and kind devotee today. It's so interesting, because I wrote to this devotee in an effort to help him with something.
His letter to me was so kind and gentle and filled with such good Vaisnava qualities that instead of me helping him, he helped me.
Just in the nature of his reply, I was reminded deeply of how Krishna takes care of His devotees, and it's not up to any individual one of us to "be responsible" for others.
I have a big problem with feeling overly responsible for others to the extent that I forget Krishna is taking care of them, and I over endeavor and end up weakening myself. Then, I am forced to reject all responsibility. I guess it's like being addicted to something, you can't "have just a little" or you have to have it all.
Maybe it comes from becoming a mother at such a young age. Really, I think it has been this way my whole life though. My childhood was one of the kind where I had to be responsible in ways that children should not have to be responsible. Being responsible for adults (as well as yourself) when you are a very young child is an insane and unstable concept. These patterns repeat and repeat. Part of the endless cycle of karma, except as a devotee, karma is not actually karma, but Krishna handling and guiding it in our lives for our purification and progress.
So, because this devotee I wrote to is sincere, Krishna was already helping him, and perhaps because I am sincere, even though my conditioning caused me to write to try to help him, Krishna used this conditioning to help me.
That's a good example of why karma is not really a factor when you are placing your life in Krishna's hands.
He takes over, He is in control.
It makes me feel such a sense of peace to know that Krishna really is in control and is taking care of everything and everyone. I forget that, yes, I know that's amazing, to think there is something I have to do or else it won't be done. But, I do think it. I'm not speaking about day to day practical things, I mean in the ultimate sense that all of us are replaceable and Krishna does not actually need anything we do, rather, He allows us to do things for our own benefit.
I remind myself often that Srila Prabhupada always said Lord Chaitanya's movement will go on, you can either be a part of it or not, but it will go on.
It helps so much to have another devotee remind me, in a gentle, kind way. Hearing it from someone else makes a big difference. (he did not say exactly that, but I understood it from what he did say)
I still have to figure out how to be part of things without my responsibility problem harming me and others, and it's not easy. I'm always praying that Krishna will help me, show me, guide me, tell me what to do.
Gentle and kind devotees are instruments for Krishna. Well, everyone is of course, everything is, but the more sincere the person, the more Krishna can work directly through them.
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