Dear ~
That's very good that you will read Srimad Bhagavatam from the beginning now. As you know, that is the way it has to be read in order to be understood.
It's also necessary to chant the maha mantra in order to understand it, even while reading it from the beginning. Like we were discussing before, we cannot understand Krishna with our minds. It is not possible. It is Him, revealing Himself to us that allows us to understand spiritual topics (which are Krishna).
So, even reading the Srimad Bhagavatam, it becomes essential for you to chant serious japa in order for the words you read and the meaning behind them to become understood in truth, and on the level of your soul (i.e. realized, which is different from mental comprehension, very, very different). These seem like mysteries I know, or maybe not to you. So many people think that they can read and understand scripture with only their minds, simply by acquiring words, but it is not possible.
There are many who have acquired all the words and can quote them well, but the realization of their meaning, it's not there, and so confusion continues.
That's why the chanting is so very essential.
I know you said you are trying, and you see that your mind tricks you. I am writing this as an encouragement, to continue to make the serious effort, and to remind you of the importance. Our minds do trick us, that is the business of the mind and the senses, to trick us from actually becoming closer to Krishna. Maya Devi, she is there, and uses our weakness, our weak minds and senses, to keep us distracted and away from Krishna. That is her service to Him.
So, the way to get control of our minds, that happens by chanting. We engage our minds in the service of the Lord, and Hrisikesha (Krishna, controller of the senses) then controls them, rather than Maya devi. There are many ways to engage the senses and mind in the service of the Lord, of course, and you are aware of that.
However, in this age, the most potent form is chanting the maha mantra. The more you do that, the more control you will have over your mind, and then your intelligence will direct you (with Krishna's direction).
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare
Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare
You can (and I do) pray always for help with this. Pray to Lord Chaitanya, to please help you chant the maha mantra seriously.
I hope you are doing well today (by that I mean spiritually, since that is what matters most)
Hare Krishna.
Navasi
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